I had a bad teenage life because I made horrid decisions. I met a boy I thought I loved, and began disobeying my parents. I was stupid, and far too spent on my own self than thinking about how I was making my parents feel, or worse, my future spouse.
When you’re young you think that you understand life more than your parents. You think that you know love better. I mean look at your parents! They fight all the time. Where’s the love between them? That’ll never happen to me…
So you find a guy that’s charming. And as my roommate puts it, he knows all the pretty words to say to you, and not all of them are true (Of course you don’t realize that part for about three years after the breakup). He writes you poems, whispers in your ears, words that you never knew existed. He says he loves you, so he must mean it.
Your morals are pretty strong, but his aren’t so much. And really, how strong are you? When you’re seventeen you aren’t exactly old and wise. You know that he says he will treat your body respectfully, so you believe him! But, remember, you love him, and you make mistakes when your guard is down.
You realize that he’s smudging the line too much and you say, “Hey, I don’t actually like that. It’s not something I’m ready for.” Does he storm off? No, he “loves” you remember? Of course he’ll say sorry. Then he’ll make up for it by saying new magnified pretty words.
He owns you.
His pathetic little life is just full of disappointment and sorrow that of course you have to be his savior, the only one that will be there for him.
So you stick around.
And around.
Spiraling out of control.
I believe that God lets me decide what to do with my life. He watches over me of course, but it was my decision to end it. Near the end, though, I was praying for help. Because I needed help. This bad feeling inside me had grown into a monster, and I felt like I was possessed with this big black sin. A lie. He never loved me. He used me vicariously. His sting is so deep within me that I still feel its jerk, even now when I’m engaged and in love with the best man I have ever met.
If this message meets anyone’s eyes, I hope it touches a young person’s. Because falling in love is not a game you play in high school. Just face it, when you’re that young, it’s harder to see what love really is. Love isn’t something you fall into, but rather something you work for. Pure love is loving someone else more than yourself. Wait until you are old enough before you let anybody say pretty words to you, because if you don’t, your heart may hold onto an ache that will never go away.
