I’m not getting over this

A full-blown circle,

because here I am again.

Looking at you through a glass full of dread.

 

This other love,

he loves me so.

Can’t you see? There’s no where else

I’d rather go.

 

He is my love,

my dove.

He sweeps me up from broken water,

breaching waves,

through a kaleidoscope I’ve looked,

seeing nothing,

seeing everything.

The “whys” I saw and the “what if I hadn’t”.
 

I see the colors,

the memories of amazement.

Pure unadulterated memories…

but then clouded by smog.

I remember why.
 

I gasp for air; my new love pulls me out.

The water is gone from my mouth.
 

Air.
 

The sweet incandescent taste of it.

How beautiful,

how clean.

Magnificent air.
 

The looks of the air is clearer.
 

The lines are not smudged anymore and

I see..

Everything.
 

I see you. The vibrancy of you. You smile at me

and I see truth.

I see you.

I see me.
 

“I can’t go back there!” I cry..

“Please, no more.”

The old love left a burn on my heart.

Bruised, tattered, violated, remorseful,

over a love like him.
 

Stop pricking my heart with pained remembrance.
 

Stop.
 

Stop!
 

Hold me tight

Look into my eyes,

see that I’ve changed.

It’s me, just me.

I’ve always been me..

But he brought out the worst in me.
 

Forget the me that went with his plans.

Forget that I was there with him.
 

I left.
 

I ran!
 

Believe me.
 

I’m sorry I will hurt you

By telling you the things I’ve done.

I’m ashamed, sorrowful, alone,

Scared.
 

Don’t let me stand alone,

please..

I’ll fall back in the water.

Dear Diary?

Jared and I have been dating since the beginning of September and I’ve never been happier 🙂

But that’s just it.

I haven’t always been this happy.

How do I tell him that? When you love someone don’t you tell them about your life? In practically every way he has had the complete opposite experiences. I have to tell him who I am. How can he know all of me unless he knows my mistakes and misfortunes that have shaped me into the person he fell in love with?

Would he understand?

My mistakes for one aren’t light. They could be heartbreaking to him, as they were heart-wrenching to me. How would he handle it? I’m going to die…

 

His life is seemingly perfect.

HOW could he understand?

I get the feeling he would.

Why?

I think he loves me too much not to.